ANNAlysis

Charles Warnke’s “Date An Illiterate Girl” inspired “Date a girl who reads,” “Date a girl who blogs,” and “Date a girl who runs,” among others. I’ve been thinking about writing my own response for a while now. I too read, blog, and run, so my initial options were as follows: “Date a girl who does yoga,” because a girl who does yoga is flexible… If you know what I mean; “Date a girl who dives,” because a girl who dives likes it wet (PAK!); and “Date a girl who climbs mountains,” because she knows how to be on top (palak-PAK!). Except I don’t just do yoga, dive, and climb mountains, so such categories would limit me. Instead of writing another vague “Date a girl who ______” I’ll go straight to the point and say DATE ME. YES, IN ALL CAPS. DATE ME.

Our first date will be a butterflies-in-the-stomach-dinner-movie-and-drinks-no-sex-after-but-mayyyybeeee-you’ll-get-a-goodnight-kiss-if-we-didn’t-eat-anything-full-of-garlic kind of first date. You can tell by Date #1 that I love food, because I will never order “just a salad and diet Coke.” Food is good. We can go to dine-in restaurants and/or street stalls (Mang Larry’s isaw FTW). You and I, we are going to taste the cuisines of the world together. And no, you won’t always foot the bill.

Date me because I have a backbone, a brain, and a sense of humor.

These three qualities usually scare guys away. You, on the other hand, will be attracted to me because of them. Because you’re cool and secure like that. I would never ask if you think I’m fat or if you think I’m beautiful, because I don’t fish for compliments. I have an opinion about everything, and I’m not going to pretend not to have one to please your ego. Let’s discuss the outcome of the multilateral agreements on climate change, the Reproductive Health Bill, and how skinny jeans and suspenders look on you.

But having my own opinion doesn’t mean that I won’t listen to yours. I will ask you a lot of questions. Each one unfolds into another, because I care about what you think, what you believe in, and more importantly, why your thoughts and beliefs are the way they are. I believe in you. Your dreams, goals, and vision aren’t just yours, they’re OUR dreams, goals, and visions. Tell me what your siblings are like, about the most illegal thing you did, and the instruments you learned to play growing up.

I was a musical theatre performer for over a decade. I don’t usually sing for the person I’m dating because that’s too cliché, but if we find ourselves in a bar and it will make you happy, then I will deliver my most moving rendition of “Make You Feel My Love,” “Someone To Watch Over Me,” orrrr “I’m A Slave 4 U” (with choreography). However, my performer side is at its finest while driving or walking around the mall. Watch me dougie, do the Macarena, or belt “Eenie Meenie.”

Or better yet, join me. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that you know the words to “Never Say Never.”

Date me only if you understand and appreciate the way I love the Philippines and the Earth. Envelope me in your arms when I start sobbing about the illegal exportation of corals, or the annual slaughter of 23, 000 dolphins in Japan. I may also burst into tears when I go to ecotourism sites in Palawan, or hear about the successful implementation of the solid waste management act in a barangay.

Send me links, books, articles, and videos you think would interest me.

Oh and if you do date me, it would be like dating five other girls: Donna, Ria, Gold, Mariel, and Abet. We’re kind of a buy-one-take-five package deal. To quote some of the most influential Girls that ever existed, “If you wanna be my lover/You gotta get with my friends/Makin’ it last forever/Friendship never ends.” Don’t worry, they won’t be in bed with us all the time. (Maybe just Ria.)

Please try not to break my heart. If you do, our combined powers can make your death look like an accident. I will look at you in the eye and tell you that letting me go is your loss, because you’re never going to find someone like me. I’ve done it before. Then, you will forever have –fuck affixed to your name (e.g., Miguel + -fuck = Miguelfuck).

Beneath the ballsy, gutsy, passionate 5’2″ frame is a cheesefest. That side is only for you to get to know. I will send you random text messages, BBMs, and Facebook PMs about the most mundane things, like how the sand in front of our house in Cebu is so white that I have to squint when I look at it (a more subtle way of saying “I’m thinking about you and wish you were here”). Or that I just learned what “Do you want to die?” is in Korean. Or that “I love you” in an Indian language literally means “I understand you” (a more subdued way of reminding you that I love and understand you). And even with text, BBM, and Facebook, I will still write you handwritten love letters, and snail mail them to you.

Some of the gifts I’ll give will be bought, but most will be made. They may not always arrive on time, but they will be given. Especially when you’re having a bad day and you look like you could really use one… Or twelve.

Things will not always go our way. I’ll throw bitch fits and you’ll snore at night. My lola will keep nagging us to have children, and your mom will keep criticizing my cooking. “Cooking.” Nevertheless, I will love you. Without hope or agenda. In a place where there’s no space or time. In a middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what way. Through shitstorms and rainbows. I will love you.

Posted friends, kill yourself senti, let's hear it for the boys, wala lang |